How to Help Children in a Divorce, Part 4

In our last post, we looked at how to help your child cope and process their emotions around a divorce.  Today, we will look at how to work with your co-parent and how you can disciple your children.

Respecting your co-parent as another person made in God’s image, even if you have a broken or strained relationship with them, will greatly benefit your child.  As much as possible, be respectful of them. 

We are called to forgive them fully.  Scripture even commands that we move toward reconciliation.  That reconciliation may not be being married again, but there is nothing in the middle of the relationship anymore.

Don’t speak badly about the other parent to your child, and be polite to the other parent when they are picking up or dropping off your child.  Consider setting “ground rules” for how you and your co-parent will interact.  Respect reasonable limits set by the other parent, and if possible, discuss rules and discipline with them so that both households are as consistent as possible.  

Communicate directly with the other parent and share important medical and school information.  Don’t expect your child to act as a messenger or go-between.

Let your child talk to their other parent whenever they need to, and try to show interest in their time with their other parent.  Don’t suggest with words or actions that your child is disloyal if they enjoy time with their other parent.

As you move forward after divorce, don’t try to “make it up” to your children by being a perfect parent.  One of the best ways to help your children heal is by being deeply rooted in God’s word and relying on Him for help as you listen, empathize, and help them see that you understand their perspective.  

Point your children to God whenever possible, and teach them about Christ’s unconditional love for his sons and daughters.  Take time to disciple your children and share your faith with them.  For elementary-age and older children, consider memorizing Scripture about how God cares for us, such as Psalm 46:1-3, John 16:33, Philippians 4:6-7, or Deuteronomy 31:6.  

After divorce, children can sometimes feel the need to “parent” their parents, especially when their parents are sharing all of their fears and worries.  While continuing to love your children, don’t treat them like a peer or a pal.  Instead of vocalizing your anxieties in front of them, find a support group or adult friends to share your burdens with.  With your children, acknowledge the reality of the situation while also pointing them towards Christ and reassuring them.  You might say things such as, “I know that this is hard right now, and God is still in control, and He loves us no matter what.  We are going to get through this.”

Return to the first post in the series here.  Click here for the second post in our series, or click here for the third one.

Chew On This:

How can you model God’s faithfulness to your child today?